It is not for a man to rest in absolute contentment. He is born to hopes and aspirations.
-Robert Southey
I’m a goal oriented person. ‘Always have been.
But sometimes I ask myself, ‘When will I stop reaching toward some distant future and appreciate the here & now?’
It’s a struggle I think we all face. Are we passionately pursuing our goals or are we just plain obsessed?
We may be having dinner with our family or at a party with friends, when all the while our brains are running through all the machinations of our business; the sale that should be coming through, the presentation you’re doing next week, etc.
It’s not necessarily worry. Many times its just plain dreaming.
But turning it ‘off’ - even for a little while is all but impossible.
The funny thing is, I know it’s not helping me or my business. Sure, I believe in taking an idea and letting it simmer in the back of your mind. But there’s a difference in using a goal to direct your actions — and having it take over your life. Goals should be forward reaching, but at the same time integrate well with our present lives.
As this is a challenge for me, I’m betting it’s a challenge for you. So, as I’ve made a commitment to be more ‘present’ in my life here are some tactics I’m using to keep myself engaged with family and friends.
Empty Your Mind -
David Allen will tell you always have a tool to capture ideas close as hand. Well, in a social environment I can tell you first hand this sends a negative signal to those around you. They perceive it as that exact opposite of what you’re trying to achieve. So use discretion and avoid jotting notes mid-conversation with a friend. Or better yet, try to empty your mind with a good brainstorming session beforehand.
Keep a Journal– Going to dinner with your parents or the in-laws? Make a goal with yourself to remember 3 things from their side of the conversation and jot them down in a journal afterwards. It helps me process the events of the evening remember details so I’m better able to make connections the next time we meet.
Actively Listen - Watch their eyes. Try to understand the point their making. Ask questions to genuinely understand and learn what’s going on in their lives. All the while, try to keep in mind why this person is important to you.
Be Mindful of Stray Thoughts - A repetitive thought or anxiety keeps running into your brain - even through your best attempts to empty your mind? Let yourself be aware that you are having this thought, but you’re not wanting to have this thought. Don’t try to control it but just observe it as someone who can step outside your head for a moment and say — ‘Huh, he’s having that thought again.’ While it may seem weird, this will eventually help your brain realize YOUR in control of what you think & when.
Take in Your Surroundings - What are the sights, smells, and sounds that surround you? What color are the walls? What does the tablecloth feel like? Don’t be weird and start sniffing the couch or anything. But try to note the details of your environment. Actively engaging in your surroundings lets you remember where your at.
In the end, these are just tools. In and of themselves, they mean nothing — unless — you remember why you want to be more engaged & present in your life. For me, it’s because I want a genuine and real connection with my family and friends.
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Hi Kelly,
This is an interesting observation. It reminds me of the book by Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power Of Now”. In his new book, “A New Earth” he says, “When you want to arrive at your goal more than you want to be doing what you are doing, you become stressed.” As one who likes to set goals, that one sentence opened my eyes, reminding me to revert back to “now”.
BTW: Thank you for visiting my blog the other day and commenting on Carherine’s guest post.
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